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Speculating on Death

Posted by on February 21, 2012

Dear Diary,

We’ve been having a think about what our new Death might be like. Of the nine we’ve had, most have been big scary wraith-like figures. This is all well and good when it comes to the whole riding across the sky bit, but frankly it makes them a bloody nightmare to take shopping. Have you ever tried walking around Sainsbury’s with a big scary wraith-like figure pushing the trolley? You get some right funny looks, let me tell you.

They haven’t all been big scary wraith-like figures, though, so maybe this one won’t be, either. War thinks it will, but then he hasn’t exactly been blessed in the imagination department. Famine had a few ideas, but they largely revolved around the new Death being composed entirely of high calorie foodstuffs, which I had to tell him I thought was unlikely. Come the day of Judgement, no-one’s going to want it to be ushered in by someone made of cake batter. Also, Famine would devour him the second he stepped through the door.

I’m hoping for someone a bit more… normal. Yes, we’re all technically supernatural beings, but by and large we could pass as ordinary people. Me more than the others, obviously, but we’re all at least human-shaped. Two humans, in Famine’s case. It’d be nice if the new Death was normal-looking, too. We could all go out together then. You know, on picnics and things? Like normal people do.

Anyway, no sign of him yet, but fingers crossed he’ll turn up soon.

In other news, I just heard that Noah was missing for three days after our poker night. They eventually found him with his head stuck through the railings of the Pearly Gates. He’d had his eyebrows shaved, and apparently someone had written the word “Twat” across his forehead in permanent marker.

Poor old Noah.

Your friend,


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