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Nothing to see here

Posted by on February 19, 2012

Dear Diary,

I haven’t written anything for a few days, but this time it’s nothing to do with alcohol-induced memory loss. I haven’t written anything because there has been absolutely nothing worth writing about. This happens a lot around here. Sometimes we’ll go decades without anything interesting happening. Once we went a hundred and eleven years with absolutely nothing of note taking place, apart from Famine loudly soiling himself in front of HRH Prince Alfred, the then Duke of Edinburgh.

So going by past history then, five days without anything exciting going on is no time at all. Still, I’m determined not to neglect you, Diary, so I thought I’d better write something. Besides, merely by writing in your pages I’m doing something. Granted, this won’t make for interesting reading if every entry I write becomes “Yesterday: Wrote in diary”, but it’s better than staring at the walls all day.

The last entry I wrote mentioned the woman and boy we saw being shown around the house. There’s been no sign of anyone since, so maybe they won’t be moving in after all. Who knows? That was February 14th – Valentine’s Day – and how many cards did I get? None. Not a one.

War got one. Even Famine got one! But Muggins here? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

That said, I think Famine may have written his own one, because it was covered in greasy fingerprints and someone had clearly tried to lick the ink off after writing it. No idea who sent War one, though, or why anyone would want to. Yes, he’s large and muscular, but he has a scraggy ginger beard that reaches his waist, a big scar right through his eye, and he always looks about two seconds away from punching his fist through your head. Not exactly Brad Pitt. Then again, who is?

So that was Tuesday. On Wednesday nothing happened.

On Thursday, nothing happened.

On Friday, it looked like it might snow for a bit. In the end, it didn’t.

On Saturday I decided to go for a walk in the park, but there was a problem with the drains so it was shut. I just came home instead.

And now it’s Sunday. The day of rest, although I’m not sure I can cope with being any more rested than I am. What I need is some excitement. Nothing major – I’m quite highly strung at the best of times – but something more nerve-wracking than jigsaws and board games.

Oh! That reminds me! Something did happen. War went out yesterday and bought the London 2012 Olympics version of Monopoly for us to play. We had a go last night. Despite the Olympics theme, it’s exactly as dull as ordinary Monopoly. We’re going to bring it up to Mount Olympus next week to show the gods there to see what they make of it.

You know, I remember the first Olympics like they were yesterday. Don’t recall them selling tea towels and other tat to help pay for it, mind you.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to our visit to the Greeks. I was never a wrestling fan until I first went to Olympus, but that really opened my eyes to the sport that did.

Your friend,

Pestilence


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