In the beginning was the word…

First time at the diary of Pestilence, Horseman of the Apocalypse? You really should go back to the beginning and follow his entries from day one, you know? Go to the first post.

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And then there were four

Dear Diary,

I was right! The young lad who just moved into the house turned up today, completely out of the blue. He found the shed, which we reckon means he must be our new Death. I must say, he makes a very refreshing change from the last few we’ve had. He’s got a face for a start, which is always nice. Read more »

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The missing remote control saga

Dear Diary,

Yesterday we lost the remote control. That might not sound like a very big deal, but it really is. The remote is a special bit of “techno-magic mumbo-jumbo” the old Death put together which harnesses supernatural energy without the need for all that chanting and incense and stuff, which always made me feel faintly ridiculous, to be honest. Read more »

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The name of the boy

Dear Diary,

Despite War telling me I shouldn’t, I’ve been doing a bit of snooping around to see what I could find out about the family that moved into the house whose garden the shed is currently situated in. I crept up the garden and tried listening at the window, but I couldn’t really hear anything, so went around the front and put my ear to the door to see if I’d have more luck there. Practically the exact moment my ear touched the wood the door opened and I fell in a heap into the front hall. Bloody mortified, I was. Read more »

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Happenings at the House

Dear Diary,

It looks like that young lad and his mum are moving into the house right enough. I saw them today, lugging furniture and boxes in from a van that was parked out the front. I expected to see removal men helping them, but they seemed to be on their own. I thought about going up and offering them a hand, but you know what my back is like. Besides, how would I have introduced myself? “Hello, I’m one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Don’t mind us, but we live in your garden shed”? Read more »

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A hectic day

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was quite busy, which made for a nice change. War picked up a card game based on the Australian soap opera, Home & Away, so we played that for some of the afternoon. To be honest, it wasn’t much fun. The game was produced in 1992, and in order to play it properly you need to have a near encyclopaedic knowledge of everything that happened in Summer Bay between that year and it’s launch in 1988. Frankly, none of us do, largely because we don’t own a television. Read more »

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Speculating on Death

Dear Diary,

We’ve been having a think about what our new Death might be like. Of the nine we’ve had, most have been big scary wraith-like figures. This is all well and good when it comes to the whole riding across the sky bit, but frankly it makes them a bloody nightmare to take shopping. Have you ever tried walking around Sainsbury’s with a big scary wraith-like figure pushing the trolley? You get some right funny looks, let me tell you. Read more »

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Death 10 coming soon

Dear Diary,

There was a bit of excitement last night (finally!). We were just setting up a game of Ker-Plunk when who should appear but the Archangel Gabriel? Literally just appeared, no warning, no polite knock on the door. Nothing. I’ve never been a big fan of Gabriel. He’s got this smile that makes you think he knows something you don’t. Mind you, he probably does. Read more »

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Nothing to see here

Dear Diary,

I haven’t written anything for a few days, but this time it’s nothing to do with alcohol-induced memory loss. I haven’t written anything because there has been absolutely nothing worth writing about. This happens a lot around here. Sometimes we’ll go decades without anything interesting happening. Once we went a hundred and eleven years with absolutely nothing of note taking place, apart from Famine loudly soiling himself in front of HRH Prince Alfred, the then Duke of Edinburgh. Read more »

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Someone moving in?

Dear Diary,

Well War eventually made it home last night, lugging a semi-conscious Famine along in a wheelbarrow. I asked where they’d been and if he knew what happened after the poker game, but he just gave me this look and said “Let us never speak of it again,” then went and dozed off in his chair for half an hour. So your guess is as good as mine, really. When Famine came round properly I asked him what he knew, but he doesn’t even remember the poker game itself, so he’s of no use to anyone. Read more »

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My aching head

Dear Diary,

It has been a few days since my last update, and I can only apologise for this. I’d love to write a full and detailed account of what I’ve been up to during those few days, but to be perfectly honest, Diary, I can’t actually remember. Read more »

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